“DECODED CODE”

    

    On the 22nd day of September, a few years ago, I made a letter and gave it to you. The usual greetings, I wrote happy birthday and every little wish I have for you. I can still remember including some words of greetings from our classmates just so I could make you feel better while you were away. In the latter part, I have there a code- a code I personally designed so you won't find any hint on the internet. I thought about that code for almost five years fearing it would be easy for you to decode it. And certainly up to these days you're still not getting it. I told you strictly just across that code that you have to wait for a decade to know what's the secret message.

    So today, I patiently waited for this moment to come when I could personally tell you what's hidden behind those characters. It took me a decade to compose myself, build the confidence I need, and prepare myself for rejection.  We both know you loved me first. But I'm still afraid of not being loved back the way I did to you a few years ago. Maybe because I don't know what you felt that day I just laughed after you told me you love me.  I don't know what ran into your mind the moment I sang a few lines from a song sarcastically when you're just being honest with what you feel. I don't know how much you cried that night when I rejected you again under the shade of the bright blue moon.
          

    And so, I wrote the code to ask for another ten years because I know you won't try on me again. I have my own dreams, own life, plans, and goals. But I can't make you part of them all the way you planned your life with me. I'm not ready to share mine with you. So, I ask for another ten years, hoping I'm already accomplished so I won't be bothered to spend the next years of my life fulfilling the dreams you set for the two of us.
          

    And I patiently waited until this day when I could face you not as the same girl you loved who's afraid of the concept of being in love, who's too cowardly to face the truth, who's too pretentious to admit what she feels and who's too selfish to box herself just to drive you away. 
    

    I am now ready...so holding the flowers between my hands, feeling the aisle beneath my feet, and just watching you patiently waiting in front, I came here happily so I could make it up to you for those days you have to cry because I rejected you.

"Congratulations and best wishes." I mouthed when our eyes meet for a while before I moved sideways where the other bridesmaid are waiting for me.
    

    I'm sorry that I have made you wait for another ten years... I wanted to add but the door springs open bestowing before you the girl who chose to love you when I couldn't love you back.

"I love you. Hope you can wait."
     

Words I kept locked inside a code. Feelings that are unspoken, hidden, and misunderstood. Decoded after a decade, I certainly regretted it.